Sorry blog followers it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I’ve been pre-oocupied. I was fortunate enough *insert sarcasm here* to catch the cold thing that has been going around. I think I kicked most of it which is good considering Aaron’s birthday is coming up.
It seriously looks like Elmo threw up in our house. I can hear Jay saying…”Alyssa…you are going overboard…you’re crazy…” I would look at him, roll my eyes then say “Yes…I am crazy about our son…get over it and help me!” 😉
So I’m recovering from this cold and ramping up to have an epic birthday party for little dude and it occurs to me that this scenario is playing out in my life. The last 2 years have been a recovery period and that just recently I have started to feel like I’m ramping up for the rest of my life.
Some may be wondering why I say I’ve been recovering for 2 years and those who have had children know what I’m saying.
To recap the last 2 years here is how it played out.
October 15, 2011 – Jay and I were getting super excited that it was getting close to Aaron’s due date. I was tired but happy. I was scared but excited. Around this time was when we found out that it looked like I may need a c-section to deliver Aaron. It was looking like he was pretty big and instead of risk it going through labor and him getting stuck then needing an emergency c-section we were presented the option to just do the c-section. After the doctor left our room he looked at me and said…”Lyss..this is totally your call…I know you wanted to do a normal birth…it’s your call.” That is one of the many things I loved about that man. He knew when to release control. The doctor had left for us to have the conversation and when she came back I told her to schedule it. There was nothing more important in that moment then for our little boy to be safe no matter what I felt or had to endure.
October 23rd, 2011 – The day BEFORE our scheduled c-section I go into labor. Excitement…disbelief…fear were all emotions felt and then after it was all said and done we are in recovery and I see the most beautiful site to date…Jay was holding our son. I can close my eyes still and be in that moment.
October 26th, 2011- They let us take Aaron home. For any new parents, you know this feeling. “They actually think we can do this without the support of nurses and professionals???” But we did it. And it was the most amazingly rewarding feeling anyone can feel.
October 27th – May 8th, 2011 – The most wonderfully challenging 6 months of my life as we figured out how to be working parents and still raise a little boy to be the wonderful man he is. For me, recovery from being pregnant 9 months was exhausting enough emotionally and physically but I patiently waited for everything to level out. And then…
May 9th – May 13th – The most difficult days of my life…period.
May 14th – a couple days ago – Recovery in the many forms it took. The nights of crying myself to sleep. The moments of extreme anger. The acceptance of my new normal. The constant strength I had to find to sometimes do the simplist of tasks. It was exhausing but it wasn’t until a few days ago that I felt the reward. It was like I let go. I will always think about Jay and our life. That will never go away but for the first time in 2 years the fog is gone. I let it go.
So it’s been awhile since I’ved blogged and it’s been awhile since many of you have seen the person that stands in front of you today. Sorry it’s been awhile…How the heck are ya? 🙂