As I work a little late tonight, I put Aaron in our bed to fall asleep. If I was to lay with him, I would guarantee to miss the work I needed to stay up for because I am exhausted and bed sounds really good right now. So my boyfriend was in the room watching TV with him helping him drift to sleep. As I took a quick break to see if Aaron was sleeping, I walked into the room to find them both sleeping peacefully.
These two men in my life bonded this past weekend when I was at my John Maxwell Certification. They were together for 3 full days without me around much. Tonight, I walked in and saw a peaceful display of Aaron allowing someone else to be there for him.
Normally on a night like tonight, Aaron would only fall asleep with me next to him. Normally on a night like tonight, I would want to be the only one that helped him fall asleep. Normally on a night like tonight, it would be difficult to get things done being a good mommy and a good employee.
I walked out of the room quietly with tears falling from my eyes. If I do nothing else right in this life, I have allowed Aaron to not only remember his father who watches him from heaven, I allow a man here on earth to be his daddy. I have done something I never thought possible. I have allowed another man into my life to love me. I have allowed another man into Aaron’s life to love him.
The things that matter in life have changed in the last 3 1/2 years. There was once a drive to have a good career, nice home and amazing friends. I have a good career, nice home and amazing friends, but the things that matter are nights like tonight. The things I never thought I would find again. A love to mend our broken hearts, a love of life and an understanding of life that leaves me better and not bitter.
These are the things that matter.
The other day I learned I had been nominated for Mother of the Year where I work. When I received the email, I had to read it a few times for it to sink in. I had not won the award, I was not focusing on that part. I was staring at the email in awe someone thought enough of me to nominate me, put me in the running. What an honor.
Then I started to wonder why someone would nominate me. Yes, I am a widow. Yes, I am the only biological parent Aaron has left on this physical earth. Yes, my hands are full when it comes to having a child, a job and moving forward in my grief. But I am no different than any other mom. As a mom I think we can all say the following.
Becoming a mother was the most amazing gift ever given to me. My heart is full of love and no matter what life has thrown at me, that fact remains true.
Aaron has taught me so much about myself. He has helped me see my strengths and walked by my side as I face so many of my fears. The other night we were sitting on the couch lounging and he put his arm around me and said “This is my mom.” Then he sat back down on the couch watching the show we had on TV. He looked at me with his crystal clear blue eyes as he snuggled his body next to mine and I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride because this little boy was my child.
Early on in Aaron’s life I tried so hard to be the “perfect mom.” When Jay died I learned real fast that perfect was not attainable so I worked hard to be a really good mom, the best mom I could be.
And so, I am honored by the nomination. I am honored to be in the company of the other moms nominated as well as the winner. I am in awe of all the moms in my life. We are all amazing. We have one goal when it is all said and done. We want our children to be happy and heathy. And I have learned I have a choice. And I have learned…