The journey in finding my place…in this world
The song by Michael W. Smith plays on repeat.
I listen to each word. The rasp in his voice. The crescendo reaching a volume where I can no longer hear the thoughts in my head. Truthfully my favorite part is the piano in the beginning. Simple. Just like life.
I listened to this song on repeat after Jay died. I was so confused. What is my place. I thought I knew. Graduate high school. Get college degree. Find good job. Find love. Marry love. Explore life. Have children. Experience life. Grow old.
I look at my birthday in 3 months and it is a milestone birthday. I question myself again, wondering if I have found “my place” in this world.
I reflect back to high school. It wasn’t always easy. The same can be said about college. But finding a good job and finding love I did those quite well. Struggle came back when trying to have children but after finally after 3 years successfully creating and delivering a child I thought I had my place.
I was wrong. And then I began what I call the fight of my life. Exhausted and unsure what plan B (or whatever letter I was at that point) was, I wanted to just give up. “The wind is moving but I am standing still.” If there is a single lyric to describe a moment in my life, that was it. I can take this song line by line and tell you a part of my feelings and thoughts in the last 6 1/2 years that describe it all.
The morale of the story is we need not be comfortable where we are. Comfort breeds expectation. Expectations will not always be met. Then comes disappointment and confusion of our place…in this world. Continuing to find our place is where we will in turn find it. That is my experience, my perspective. I continue to search for my place.