Tonight I was going through my Google Drive. I am about to max out on space and I know I need to start moving some of the pictures I have on there to an external drive.
It was fun at first because it was videos of Aaron from a couple years ago. If you do not take video of your child, start. I took some time to listen to a few of the videos and I am SO glad I have them. To hear his laugh and how much that has not changed, warmed my heart. Despite everything, his laugh is still the same.
I knew there were pictures that would make me sad, or cause me to reflect more then I want right now.
I found pictures of my baby shower. I looked at the picture of my mom and me and the first thought that came to my mind may surprise you. It wasn’t…”Wow…that is me pregnant” or “My mom and I look so nice.” No the first thing that crossed my mind was “Boy have I changed since then.” I am no longer pregnant but that is not what I meant.
The woman in that picture and the one typing today are two completely different people. The things that scared me on that day, no longer scare me. The woman in the picture would never have spoken to a group of people about such a personal tragedy in her life. That woman in the picture would tell you she didn’t understand why organ donation was important or that she didn’t understand the fuss and urgency of getting life insurance. She would also tell you she was lucky to find love once in life because there is no way you can find it twice. She would tell you there is no way she would survive losing her husband with a baby at the age of 6 months. The woman in the picture would tell you that her life in that moment was perfect.
I have many more to go through before Google stops screaming at me but for tonight I am done and for tonight I reflect on that picture.