The fear of routine

NOTE: Another blog that was written in or before May 2018, now finally getting published.  Ironically at the time in our lives where routine is crucial to not losing our minds.  School is back in session…and ready or not…we are back into a routine.

Having a routine for the most part a good thing to have.   Going to bed at about the same time each night and waking up around the same each morning  allows the right amount of sleep you need as well as provides good time to get ready for the day and come down after a long day.

The other day while sitting and sorting through my life.  Making myself aware of what I was doing with my life, I realized that Aaron and I don’t have a repeatable routine.  At first this didn’t really bother me, being flexible and not rigid is a good thing I thought.  And what I found is I am 50% right and 50% wrong with that thought.

My reason for not following a repeatable routine is where I have trouble now that I think about it.  You see, I had a routine the morning of May 9th, 2012.  At noon that day, everything changed.  Somewhere in getting the phone call and leaving the ER later that day with a completely broken heart and life I decided I no longer needed a routine.  I mean, why have a routine that could be changed so drastically.  My fear of having a routine and it changing without my consent was my reason not to have one.  If I don’t have a routine, no one and nothing can  mess it up.

I didn’t see it as a coping mechanism at the time but as I reflect now I can see it clearly.  I don’t see my decision as a mistake.  But what I do know is that it is time for a routine.  A routine that takes care of everyone in our little family.  I can adapt to change and it isn’t really easy to admit something so silly that was clearly a way of me coping with massive change but here it is.

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