Your grief is not my responsibility

I started a rant on Facebook and promised more thought in a blog so here it goes.

Blunt moment.  You’ve been warned.  We don’t make it out of this life alive.  No matter what you think you know about someone’s or your own life, the one fact that you know for sure is that you won’t make it out alive.  And if you live life to the fullest and live without regret, maybe just maybe you can leave this world leaving a handful of people sad that you are gone.

So my rant was about Robin William’s death and how things are coming out about his death…his health and sobriety before his death.  I understand what they are trying to do but I wish they knew it was none of our business.  Yes he was an actor.  A comedian.  A public figure.  That STILL does not give any one but his close family ANY right to the information that is being given.

Here is another thought.  It doesn’t matter what happened…what disease he may have had or how his life ended because the end result is the same.  He is gone.  He is not coming back.  Life is not a movie or a soap opera.  Well for some it is a soap opera but in regards to people coming back from the dead…yeah it isn’t going to happen.  So in all honesty we shouldn’t care.  I’m not saying that people should hide information.  I just feel like (side note…since this is my feeling…my perception it is my reality…doesn’t make it right…it makes it mine) that they are bringing this information to everyone’s attention to help people grieve.  To help people make sense of why he is no longer here.  The reality is…it doesn’t matter what the doctors say or what his wives or children knew or saw. The only person that knows the ultimate truth as to what happened and why is Robin Williams.  An unfortunately for those that feel they need to know…Robin Williams is not here to tell us.

One very important piece of information I was given within weeks after Jay died was that I was not responsible for helping others grieve.  Not even Aaron.  And if I was doing something, it better not be with the intention of helping others grieve, it could be to help me grieve but that was it.  The first person to have the information about Jay’s autopsy outside of me and our family doctor was someone you may not think.  It wasn’t his parents.  It was his co-worker that saw him fall and ultimately die.  I had a person come up to me 2 weeks after Jay died and say “Alyssa…I heard he was still alive when he left Wells Fargo.  What happened?”  I walked away from that person without explanation.  None of their business.  Talking about it to them was not going to help me grief.

We as a society think it is our business to know everything about everything.  Truth be told, it isn’t our business.  Your life is not my business.  Your grief is not my responsibility.

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